


Eye of the Beholder

by Kellygirl



Category: Firefly
Genre: Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2004-07-25
Updated: 2004-07-25
Packaged: 2019-04-29 08:11:24
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,520
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14468541
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kellygirl/pseuds/Kellygirl
Summary: A late night meeting brings up the issue of trust.





	Eye of the Beholder

**Author's Note:**

> Note from alice ttlg, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [Firefly’s Glow](https://fanlore.org/wiki/Firefly%27s_Glow), and was moved to the AO3 as part of the Open Doors project in 2018. I tried to reach out to all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are the creator and would like to claim this work, please contact me using the e-mail address on [Firefly's Glow collection profile](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/fireflysglow/profile).

Eye of the Beholder

## Eye of the Beholder

Eye of the beholder  
Disclaimer: Firefly and it's characters do not belong to me, no money being made. Notes: This was done for the Simon ficathon challenge and is for Sonya. She wanted snark, a little angst and didn't care about the rating. She also wanted relationship type stuff so I hope qualifies. More Notes: Thanks to Liss for the quick beta and to the nightly people in chat for a few suggestions. 

Simon rolled over and knew it was late in the night. He had no timer telling him this but after a fifteen months on board his internal clock had adjusted. He stood up and stretched before wiping his face with water. He opened his door to check on River and found her in her room still asleep. Back in his room he decided on tea and maybe something to eat. 

He stumbled to a stop, then continued his walk into the kitchen, hoping the captain hadn't seen him falter. Things were still awkward between them since they'd had a shouting match two weeks ago, and Simon had broken off their more intimate relationship. It had been done after the heat of the argument had settled but Mal had agreed after asking Simon if that's what he wanted. Simon had been hurting, physically and emotionally, and he'd said yes. It cut him up more than he thought to see the other man walk away without further discussion but just like then, Simon still thought it was for the best. 

He nodded at the captain and made his way over to a cabinet in search of tea. There was nothing to do but wait for the water to boil. He stayed next to the stove, uncomfortable being alone in the same room with the other man. 

The noise of a chair being moved produced a shrill sound that echoed in the quiet room and he turned to see the captain sitting on the edge of the table looking at him. 

"Just thought you should know we'll be on Xaincarejee tomorrow, and there won't be much Alliance presence if you and little sis want to go into town." 

Simon nodded. "Thank you. I'll let River know. It'll do her some good to get a little sun." 

His heart beat faster when the captain stepped closer, a smirk on his face. "Well, I'm just letting you know what the initial plan is. Wasn't that your main complaint when we had our big fight?" 

Simon regarded the look in Mal's eyes. If he tried to get away it'd be like baiting a big dog. He'd get mauled and even if it wasn't physical, Simon was in no mood to get a piece of his body torn off. He crossed his arms and tilted his chin up. 

"That was one of the things, yes. Any reason you're bringing it up?" 

He kept his body perfectly still as Mal moved even closer. 

"I wouldn't want you thinking I kept you out of the loop, wouldn't want you to think I didn't have it in me to treat you like a regular member of my crew." Now there was no space between their bodies and Mal leaned forward to whisper, cruel and taunting, in his ear. "Especially since you want to pretend it's over, like you were never in my bed begging for it. Dr. Tam, all straight-laced and proper until you got his clothes off, then what a ride you were." 

Fingers brushed lightly against his stomach before Mal moved away. Simon was aware that they both were breathing a little harder and louder than normal but he ignored that, along with the small spark of desire in his stomach. He thought he'd be past this already. He'd been maudlin and miserable the first week, he'd even gotten quietly drunk while Wash sat with him and listened to his ramblings. 

His injuries from the botched museum robbery had healed but that didn't mean he had forgotten the utter helplessness as his life had been threatened. He'd been questioned and beaten about a plan he knew nothing about, a plan everyone else had been in on. Simon narrowed his eyes and blew out an angry gust of air. 

"I'm not pretending, and the fact that you think I am means you were not listening much during the 'big fight.' I meant every word. Would you like me to reiterate them?" 

The spark of anger in Mal's eyes pleased something deep down inside of Simon. He knew Mal knew what reiterate meant but his tone had implied he was speaking to a monkey that could barely peel a banana. The other man was still too close but for the first time in two weeks, Simon felt alert and aware. The colors in the kitchen seemed sharper, the soft gurgle of boiling water seemed louder and he could feel his blood flow hot and quick through his veins. He could also smell Mal, sharp and musky underneath the stale air that traveled through Serenity. 

"I remember everything you said. All of it, including how I didn't trust you and how you could have taken care of yourself, that you didn't appreciate my type of protection and how the sight of your injuries proved beyond the shadow of a doubt that my planning skills left much to be desired." 

"Then why are you bringing this all up? You didn't seem eager to keep our relationship when we agreed it was over." 

Simon drew his head back quickly as Mal again moved in closer; this time his face almost shoved in Simon's. 

"No, no, you agreed, all polite and fancy. I didn't. I was busy trying to regroup from the earlier argument. I was trying to see it all from your point of view then bam!" Mal flung one arm out then both arms moved, trapping Simon against the counter. "Dr. Tam is breaking up with me, looking like a kicked puppy with your black eye and bloody scrape on your jaw and your arm in a cast. Only reason I agreed was to give you some time. You were hurt, and I knew you weren't thinking clearly so I backed off when all I wanted to do was get you back to my bunk and touch you all over." 

Simon felt the press of Mal's body against his, and he did nothing to stop the strong capable hands that were sneaking under his shirt. He shuddered, the feelings Mal could set off in him all rushing back. 

His hands met and held Mal's, and he didn't know if he was trying to push his ex away or hold him. He jerked at the feel of callused thumbs rubbing their way to his nipples. His body reacted while his mind was screaming at him to run. 

He gasped out, "No," just as Mal kissed him. A tongue dipped eagerly into his mouth to tangle with his and it was good, better than Simon remembered. Everything escalated and got hotter and wetter and he could only moan and gasp into Mal's mouth as hands touched him everywhere, arousing him and making him remember all that he'd tried to forget. 

Mal broke the kiss, and Simon breathed hard, trying to get oxygen into his body. He didn't say anything when Mal reached over and turned the stove off. He didn't say anything when Mal moved against his body and started kissing him again. This kissing session ended with a nice long lick at his lips. 

"See I know you, Simon. I know you put all this in the back of your mind, determined to forget it and us because of one serious fight. That's stupid and you don't strike me as being stupid that often." 

Before he could say anything Mal kissed him again, one hand to sliding into Simon's pants and stroking the sparse hair right below his navel. A thumb teased the soft skin inside his navel and an involuntary shiver went through him. Simon could feel the smirk form on Mal's lips and made a move to step back. He had to get some sense and stop this right now. 

He pulled away and got a few breaths in before Mal grabbed him and rubbed the front of his pants. Simon remembered how quick Mal's fingers were when they undid his pants before he could object and then they were sliding over his cock, lightly teasing him into a panting mind fogging mess. He blinked and looked into Mal's eyes, expecting to see a look of triumph but only saw desire and a touch of wariness. 

He opened his mouth to ask something, anything but Mal kissed him again and gripped him tighter, just like he loved. Another hand pushed his pants down then started walking him backwards compensating for the little steps he had to take with his pants and underwear down by his knees. 

Simon kept his eyes closed, wanting this to continue but at the same time knowing he had to tell Mal to stop, that they couldn't do this, whatever this was. He felt his body being lifted and the cold wood of the kitchen table against his bare ass was cool and hard. A heavy foot stepped between his legs and his pants and underwear were gone. Mal moved in and Simon opened his eyes. He swallowed heavily and whispered, "We can't do this Mal. Not here, not now." 

His only answer was Mal's mouth on his neck, licking and mapping various spots. He didn't resist when Mal took off his shirt and then unbuttoned and unzipped his own pants. Sharp teeth tugged at his ear and a deep voice whispered back. "Yes, here. Yes now." Simon didn't know how but he was naked and fleeting thoughts zipped through his head of someone finding them making out in the kitchen. Those fleeting thoughts left his brain as Mal's hands spread his legs and rubbed his upper thighs before pulling him closer to the edge of the table. The next kiss was slower but just as deep as the previous ones and Simon couldn't think of anything mattering right now other than this. 

He flinched but didn't say anything when Mal used two fingers to tease him before sliding them into his body, slick with something that made it easy for him to be stretched. The feelings coursing through his body were incredible and he didn't realize until now how much he missed them and the man that created them. He moaned low in his throat when Mal leaned forward to lap swiftly at his nipples while his fingers disappeared and with a twist of his hips, entered Simon swiftly. 

Simon turned his head from side to side, loving the achy full feeling and starting to love the feel of wood beneath his back. He bit his lower lip and groaned. Mal's fingers tapped his knees and he understood the silent message and wrapped his legs around Mal's waist. He opened his eyes again to watch Mal and found Mal watching him, eyes steady and unreadable. 

Hands dug into his waist and Mal was pounding into him, both their bodies slick and straining and when his cock was grabbed and stroked so hard his thighs clenched, he came harder than he'd ever had since the first time Mal had shared his bed. From far away he heard Mal curse and move impossibly fast within him before freezing, the only movement, pulses deep within his body. 

The silence of the ship crept into Simon's mind, his awareness of his surroundings the first sense to return and then the rest flooded back in, swift and punishing. How could he have been so stupid? This just proved he was weaker than he'd ever thought when it came to Mal. He'd been so sure he could redirect his feelings and concentrate on something else and they'd obey and he'd be happy. He kept his eyes closed as Mal pulled away and out of him. He opened them and mentally groaned. All Mal had to do was wipe away some sweat and other fluids; zip and button his pants and pull his suspenders back up. Simon was the one completely naked and sticky. 

He sat up and looked down at his pants. He never considered himself a prude but this was a little out of his range. Spontaneous sex in the middle of the night was great but not where there was a large chance of getting caught. Simon sighed and stood, bending down to pull his underwear and pants back up. His shirt appeared in his view and he took it from Mal without talking. Once it was on and buttoned he looked at Mal to find him looking at him the expression on his face one of lazy satisfaction and victory. Simon shook his head and moved to grab a dishcloth and wet it. He made sure to wipe the table down and then he did it again. During that time Mal made tea for both of them. 

They sat and Simon drank his tea, swirling it around and around before finishing it. "This doesn't change anything." In fact, Simon felt like he was drowning in confusion. He felt weak for giving in and angry that Mal had seemed to know he would. Did this mean Mal was right in not telling him about the plan? Was he still some core-bred milquetoast and had just been fooling himself that he was no longer that rich, nave, young man? 

"Why doesn't this change anything? Simon, why just throw what we got out when we both still want it?" Mal's words made him pause. Maybe the whole argument from two weeks ago was wrong. He'd based it on a perception he'd never bothered to bring up to Mal. He put his cup down and rubbed his forehead. 

"All this proved is that I'm an easier lay than I ever thought. Is that all you want? Just a warm body to handle on occasion? I mean, if that's all, then that whole argument was moot. I suppose I wouldn't bother to tell my fuck buddy any plans either." 

Even as Simon was saying the words he couldn't quite believe them. Mal had never treated him like all he wanted was his body, never acted disinterested in the quiet talks they'd had either before or after sex. He'd never left Simon's bed after sex or hinted he wanted Simon to leave his. 

The frown and complete lack of emotion on Mal's face told him Mal was thinking of bad things to do to him. 

"Mal, I never expected you to share every aspect of your past with me or to talk about your feelings all the time. But you showed a distinct lack of respect for me when you didn't see the need for me to know about your plans. So I have to ask myself. What am I? Your lover and part of your crew or just someone convenient when you get a itch?" 

Mal spoke his voice quiet and laced with gravity. "You know that's not true. If that were all I wanted I'd have had you the first week you were on board. I broke ideas I really believed in for you, Simon and I ain't regretted it yet." 

Simon nodded his head, turning his cup around and around. He noticed it was chipped and had some poorly painted carriage scene on it. He wasn't looking at Mal but could hear the other man shift back and forth in his chair. 

"Not telling you about the plan wasn't part of the plan. I meant to tell you the parts that had been worked out but then the owner of the museum got sick and I knew you would treat him and you'd be out of harm's way. I thought if you knew, you might be nervous and make him suspicious. It was wrong not to tell you so you would have known to leave when his guards came by." 

A warm hand touched his for a moment then moved back to the table. 

"I was so pissed when I realized they had you and knew you were part of our crew. You thought we were just making a little money using your doctoring skills and knowing what I know about you I should have said something." 

He looked at Mal to find the other man tracing invisible lines on the table. Blue eyes met his and Simon could see the intensity that always burned in the other man, something that was usually only visible during a job or trouble with the Alliance. 

"I apologize Simon and I'll try not to make that mistake again. I did want to keep you safe but that was a separate issue than whether I trusted you or not, and I do trust you." 

Simon nodded and licked his lips, smiling when Mal briefly smirked at him before going back to being serious. 

"I hated that feeling, Mal. I had no idea what they wanted and I knew they didn't believe me, that there was nothing I could do or say to convince them I was telling the truth. It made me feel like I used to when I first left the core, stupid and green and not even knowing how stupid and green I really was." 

He watched as Mal stood and moved to squat down next to his chair. "I'm not saying I won't make mistakes again and again, Simon but you have to know I would never treat you so callously or think of you as just some warm body." 

Simon touched the hand on his knee, smoothing over Mal's knuckles and the strong veins in his hand. 

"Then what was this just now? How'd you know I'd fold like that? I felt pretty whorish when I realized I'd just let you screw me on the dinner table." He laughed but it was quiet and bitter. "You didn't even have to take off your boots." 

He let go of Mal's hand when Mal stood and braced himself against the table. "Shit, Simon that was just us wanting each other. I'd never think you were being a whore for just being you. If you'd approached me, it would have been me naked on this table and trust me, I'd have been much louder." 

They both laughed at that, knowing it was true. Simon remembered the days of snickering he'd done after the first time he'd fucked Mal because he'd never figured Mal to be a screamer or rather a shouter. Mal hadn't figured it either and it had been funny to see the older man turn red at the teasing Simon did. He looked up at the touch of fingers on his face. 

"And I didn't know you'd 'fold.' I fully expected a knee to certain body parts or a stomp to my foot." 

Simon laughed and stood, not minding that Mal didn't move and he had to brush against him to get by. He took a deep breath and a chance. 

"So you're saying you want us to get back together? That you'll tell me all about the next job and maybe let me plan some?" 

He held in laughter at the quirk of Mal's eyebrows and waited for his answer. 

He got a brilliant smile that lit up Mal's entire face and reminded him why he'd fallen for this crazy brave man. He blinked and mentally shook his head. He needed to get some sleep and stop being so sappy. 

"Hell yeah, I want us back together. And yes I'll tell you all about the next job and if you want to plan a job or two that's fine. Don't know what you could plan but I'm interested in finding out." 

"Well, there's more than one way to rob a hospital so I'm sure I can come up with something." 

He cleared the table and washed out the cups. He dried his hands and didn't jump when Mal turned him around with hands to his waist. 

"You going to be able to get back to sleep?" Simon turned and pulled himself out of Mal's arms. He was becoming quite adept at deciphering Mal speak. What Mal really meant was, was Simon going to sleep in Mal's bed tonight? 

"I think I'll be okay." He gave in faster than he thought he would at the brief look of disappointment on Mal's face. 

"But I could use some company if you're up to it." 

He rolled his eyes at Mal's leering look and took his hand, pulling him towards his room. Things were looking up, and Simon hoped it would be awhile until their next fight and that next time it wouldn't come to them breaking up but just working it out. 

The End. 

* * *

 

 

 

 

 

 

Title:   **Eye of the Beholder**   
Author:   **Kellygirl**   
Details:   **Standalone**  |  **NC-17**  |  ***slash***  |  **18k**  |  **07/25/04**   
Characters:  Malcolm, Simon   
Summary:  A late night meeting brings up the issue of trust.   
  



End file.
